Surplus Helicopters

Out of necessity, I am obsessed with yard equipment. I SOOOO want industrial machines like the rotors of a helicopter which are turned into a weed eater, a mower that can withstand blades engaged while driving over rocks, a rototiller that starts within ahhhh 20 pulls and can chew up sod! And my sprinklers...there are WAY too many placed randomly on risers which means with each/every mow I need to use 3 pieces of equipment in order to "just mow"! I hear the neighbor's sprinklers hitting my fence...the coverage is sheer beauty....mine barely have enough pressure to oscillate!! Which brings me to the current issue...a break in a water line somewhere under the acre of land my house sits upon. I leave random notes on my neighbor's window like....ahhhhh LEAK across street, any ideas? or.....25 mole holes in yard???? He is more like the neighbor on Tool Time..."Hey you say you have a leak? Did you dig up the "hot" lines going to/from the valve box?" Like, what the hell? I had no idea that the lines were "hot", and if they were, it doesn't seem like I would want to dig down to them. All I really care about is that I can some day mow over each and every sprinkler without praying/holding my breath as I roll over the tops. Oh besides the sprinklers, water leaks, mole holes, missing roofing, etc...there is 1/4 acre of sod to be removed, huge areas to be rototilled, a truck size pile of branches, sod, and debris to be hauled....so far this week I have clocked in 42 hours of yard work...some days working 9 hours. And even with all those hours, the yard looks like crap....BUT PLEASE DON'T ASK IF I GO TO A TANNING SALON OK???